Three weeks in India!
I sit outside our little cabin in the middle of nowhere. It is 5:30 in the morning. My family sleeps inside. Yet, I can hardly sleep. My brain is busy reminding me of the few days I have left in the country I was born into. I feel a gamut of emotions as I prepare myself to go back to America. I can’t silence the voices in my head, or the emotions in my heart. I slowly sneak outside to sit on the porch. I am surrounded by the gushing sound of the waterfall, the tweeting birds - I hear them all. I record the chirping birds on my phone. I have a book in my hand hoping to read in the silence of the morning. Yet, I don’t read a line. I sit in the lap of nature enjoying the silence of dawn. These are precious moments I never have. Yet, these are moments when I feel closest to my dad.
I visited India for three weeks- three weeks that felt like three blinks of an eye. Yet, in over eighteen years this was the first time I was in India for my dad’s birthday. I tried to remember every little moment we spent together, the hugs, the endless kisses- all of it. Being in India fills me with a strange sense of calmness. Through all the chaos of meeting extended family, friends and everyone in between, I still am at peace with myself. I feel like I am home. The air feels like home. As soon as I board the flight to America, I am filled with unease and an inexplicable sadness. I have always felt like I have left a piece of myself behind. Through the three weeks that I spent in India, I realized that piece is my dad. He is buried in the soil of that land I was born into. As a daddy’s little girl, he always defined home to me. Being nuzzled within his arms was the sweetest memory of my childhood. It was when I knew I was home. I now realize India will always be home because his ashes are in the soil, his memories are in the air- the street corners remind of him, ice-creams, chocolates they all remind me of the days I spent with him. As I bid adieu to India I realized sitting on that flight no matter where I reside, my heart and soul will always be in India! He will always define home in my world irrespective of what happens in my life.